Sunday, 29 July 2018

Too Big for the Bedroom




Well hellurrr everyone!
I kind of thought I should blog a bit more. My last piece on the blog got a little traction and I’m not only gassed about it because it was fully unexpected, but I thought... whett... a bish has a lot too say!
So here we are again, Sunday evening. The family and I had a lovely get away to the coast for the weekend, a new week is about to begin and I have some time to share a lil sum sum on to my blog today!

I tell you what, although I have so much to share on this subject, I’m kindaaaa shy! So I would try and keep it classy and cute because, I’m not about to spill so much intimate tea on my blog! I just want to share my journey to finding love, as there still seems to be a stereotype that big girls can’t find love...





My first encounter with having any sexual relations was as a teen. I must say, I was a very naive teenager, I kind of feel that I was not guided in this area too much so I loosely went on a quest to find someone to like me. I wish I had the perfect first boyfriend who stood outside my bedroom throwing stones at my window to get my attention and sang to me and wrote me love letters.. but my reality is, a lot of guys who took interest to me, we’re kinda shit! Whilst some may think weight is an excuse, I do feel that guys saw me easily enough to take advantage of and treat me badly.





Being a big girl and a teen can sometimes make you also look older than your age, so it’s very easy to get caught with older guys. I must say to mums who have bigger teenage daughters who are reading this, please be mindful of this, when you develop quicker in puberty and start to look like a woman and possibly are just 14 years old, some men can minipulate and take advantage and rob them from their innocence. Talk to your daughters, let them feel loved, let them open up to you. 
My first love encounters are almost a blur to me also. Simply because they were not that special. Special love moments can create long lasting amazing memories and can also give you experiences that can help your future love encounters. 
Large girls may feel a reluctance to opening up to their loved one also. This is because in our heads, we feel we do not look good naked. It’s actually crazy how society makes it seem as if, sex is for slender people? We are taught to hide away and cover fat through our dressing, so can you actually imagine the state of most big peoples bedrooms? 
Big women hide even in the bedroom and that is sad.
Lights off... covers wrapped, tops on... yes TOPS ON? Are you serious? Yes... Chanel is very serious, even in 30 degree weather Hun! 




After I had my first son, I entered a 5 year celibacy until I met my husband of course. This celibacy was a matter of choice rather than because of my size, but even so, I kind of did wonder, when I got with that guy, would I be able to open up after so long of being alone.
I think one of the interesting things about marriage is, the opportunity to explore. I know you can explore outside of marriage, but exploring with your life long partner can be fun and interesting. I did take a journey of finding myself again and trying to understand what I like, and what he liked. There were many times I wanted to keep the lights off at the beginning of our relationship, but he helped me over come a lot. 
My insecurities about my body resulted in me holding back, and it took a while to let go. 
Ladies, I just want you to know, that you got to love yourself so you can love back. Walk around your house naked! I can’t believe people wear clothes indoors honestly 🤣!!!! Stand in front of the mirror naked, then do that in front of your guy! Cook naked, do the laundry naked, do it all naked.. it would build your confidence! 
Another key confidence in the bedroom is GROOMING! Girl... shave! Shave honey! Take it all off! When you are feeling smooth and cleaned up, you kind of want to show off 😂 yup! Wax, shave, moisturise, you would feel so fresh and ready! 
Any self love journey is long, but totally worth it. Hopefully you can take my tips and it would make life a little easier for you. And also...most guys don’t care either way-  *whispers ‘as long as they’re getting it!’*


Credits:
Lingerie and Gown @fashionnovacurve
Photographer: @abiolarenee 







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Tuesday, 24 July 2018

MY UNPOPULAR BODY SHAPE




It's Tuesday. I feel quite accomplished as I have ticked a lot of things off of my to do list.
I had a great night sleep, as baby slept throughout the entire night, he is getting so much better with night sleeps. Over the past few weeks, I have been at a full go go GO, with EVERYTHING, and I am currently at a zone where I am revved up for creating content, producing videos, images and more for my faithful followers online.
I was awaken at 8.30am by a phone call, positive call, so yup, I wasn't too mad! But believe me sis, 8.30am is actually a lye in for me! Anyway, I have a normal ritual in the morning, consisting of some prayer and meditation, cleaning etc, but of course, at some point, you check your phone, you check your social media, you check your YouTube comments... I then stumbled across a comment that literally shook me to infinity.

The comment said 'Your ass shape is not normal for a black girl. You're still beautiful though, I like the clothes you have shown, you are putting on so much weight, try to lose some weight'



Now that I have your attention,
lets talk...
I am pretty used to weirdos on the internet having a fetish over my weight, I am quite over people commenting on something I deal with daily and my entire life quite frankly. I also have lost over 30kgs since giving birth and still on my slow journey of weight loss. THAT is not the part of the comment that got to me. The comment that made my head swing is 'Your ass shape is not normal for a black girl'.
I actually responded to the comment... oh yes, I did! I rinsed the person to be honest, then realised its not worth it and deleted and blocked them. I thought I want to discuss this on the blog today, and also represent with these images because it does reveal my shape quite a bit and I want to show you it in all my glory (as I am not ashamed).




Many of you may know I am African. West African. Ghanaian. That is my true original heritage and i am overtly proud to be Ghanaian. I am British Born and raised, and I have a connection with the multicultural diverse city of London where I grew up in. I am from a predominately black area in London originally, so I am connected to West Indians as well as other Africans. Whilst there are a lot of conversations online talking about beauty standards, and the huge colourism debate which is honestly a discussion I am happy we are bringing to light as I am majorly effected by this. I think in the black community (which I am heavily associated with 'obviously'), we do not talk enough about the standard of the 'Ideal Black Woman'. This post is not about colourism, so we would save that for another conversation, but, can we talk about the ideal 'shape' a black woman should possess that NOT ALL of us have? This isn't even a fat vs skinny issue. This is the: big booty, big breast, flat stomach ideal that all black girls are meant to have?
I personally believe that, The beauty of black women is our diversity. 
And its beautiful to naturally have a big curved bum. But unfortunately, mine is not! Its flat, squared and broad, and that is how it is.
We as a community grow up with this mentality that we should have this 'ideal' standard of black beauty that its now become a fashion. We have the likes of the Kardashians who have paraded and exploited it to the point where US black women are reshaping our bums to look like them, when they get it from us! Whilst this is a pressure in Western culture, honey, lets not forget, the pressure actually does come from back home also. In Ghana, where I am from, from when you are a baby girl, you are given waist beads and bum massages so the baby girl grows to have 'that shape'. My issue is, why are we even forcing this? Can one not just grow with the shape they were born to have?
By flat square bum is an inheritance from my Grandmother Yaa Mansah... down to my mother, her sister and also my older sister and of course me. We all have 'that bum', and guess what, its not conventionally a 'black girls' bum, and thats ok! Interestingly enough, amongst our family, we have open discussions on how and why our bum is not good enough, and I am not sure why we pressure ourselves to look a certain way!





I have another little story for you...
I have been bullied about this little square bum of mine in school. I remember this girl, she had it in for me. It was connected to a personal matter that was outside school involving her friend, but I wont go into that today. I  had stayed back from school with my best friend a little later than normal finishing time, and as we were walking to the exit, I was approached by this bully.. it wasn't the first time she had troubled me, so as she approached, I was worried. She literally said to me, look at her bum, she looks like her knickers are too tight for her. Her and her friends burst out laughing, she also physically touched me by pulling at my knickers. I said nothing, but just cried about it. I never told my family what had happened. On a second occasion, again, the girl saw me, and said 'ahhh those knickers again'. She had regularly taunted me which effected my self asteem and my confidence as you can imagine as a young 15 year old girl. Anyway, if you ever wondered what happened to the girl, I ended up beating her up at a local supermarket on a Saturday... that's a story for another day kids! Do you want to hear it? Comment and let me know.





This is just one of the many incidents where I have been bullied about my 'non-black girl' bum! But as I go through my self love journey, I have learnt to not hide it, but embrace it.
The black woman comes in many shapes. Thin, curvy, flat
Chested, some women are toned have no hips, but I believe God is creative and chose too make us in different ranges. It’s the beauty of his creation, and we need to embrace all of what we come in. 




Credits:
Photographer: @abiolarenee
Dress: @fashionnovacurve
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Tuesday, 29 May 2018

HOW DO I DEFINE MY PERSONAL STYLE AS A PLUS SIZE INFLUENCER




So apparently, there is a difference between Style and Fashion? I kind of agree! Style is certainly a personal taste where as fashion tends to be 'what's trending or in'.
I try to do a bit of both but mainly leaning towards 'Style'.

As a Plus Sized Influencer, I am constantly on the hunt to find clothing items I like and love to share with my followers... and the truth is, I have no set of rules in particular for most content I put out there. If its nice, I'll cop it, I'll style it and I would make it look good for my taste and preference.
Style is what you make it, and we all have our own particular sense of style that is tailored to our own preference.


My main choice of style in general is 'Classy and Chic' BUT it has to be affordable! I don't know about you but I am not into breaking the bank to look cute! Take this style series for instance.. Clothing items from Pretty Little Thing, Fashion Nova, Amazon and Office- All high street or Online Boutiques and accessible. The most expensive item is this bag which is Moschino... but its not Gucci, or Chanel is it? We can all look expensive for less, and I do feel a girl is allowed at least one expensive item or two in her wardrobe.

The key is.. to look expensive but for less! 


 

 Photo credits: Agata Preyss @agatapreyssphotography
Blazer: http://bit.ly/2L4WobQ






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