Monday, 25 July 2016
In a funk... Mentally, Emotionally, Physically
Hey sweetie darlings!
Welcome back to another post this week. Whilst I know a lot of you come over to my blog for zeal, motivation and all round a boost of pow pow, girl power! I maaaay just need to flip roles with you and perhaps get you guys to console me a little! So I'm in a funk right now. Having an urge of awkwardness, displacement, anxiety and a slight loss of focus.
This tends to happen to the best of us, and even the most strong people you know go through this really awful state.
Whilst this year has definitely been a blessed year for me, in regards to progression, growth and fresh starts, it does come with many trials, and that has definitely been the case for me. I am in a testing season and have unfortunately been quite distracted and my main focus right now is to get back on track so I would not fully detach. This evening, I got a call from my Pastor, and he could definitely sense I have been quite complacent and that is why he called... I was so open and honest about my emotions lately, that he said it is as if I am like a fish, that has been taken out of the water and I instantly agreed and knew within my spirit that he was right about that.
I am definitely the first person to say, to get positive and get focused, it is the people around you that matters a great deal. Negative energy can rub off and in no time, your entire aura can become negative. Whilst I feel I have done a great job at getting rid of negative people, it can get to the point where you are lonely and finding positive people to replace the negative, can be very difficult. Thats ok, because what I am learning is to cope with loneliness and also learning that people, positive or negative are not the ones to put me in check, make me happy or get me focused, the responsibility is within my own hands and I have to work on this for myself.
It is a surprise to hear that I have a husband, that spends a lot of time with me, I also have friends and I keep quite busy, to actually discover that I can actually get a bit lonely...
God has blessed me with the best friends, a girl could ask for... but I did mention, even with those amazing women in my life in a post about being a lonely YouTuber... it is possible to feel lonely and displaced. In fact, you can have so many people around you, friends, family, children, colleagues and more and still feel very displaced and lonely.
I feel, what has happened to me in this season is, I have successfully distanced from negative people. Correct. I then have a few positive friends. Correct. I have over-strategised, almost like a perfectionist in regards to family affairs such as care for my son, my relationship with my husband and of course, work. I also make a lot of time for myself.. all correct. But within the process, I almost forgot to feed my spirit with what my spirit needs, and instead feeding it with something that drains me tremendously. With the amount of things I juggle daily, I felt overwhelmed and obliged to commit to everything, forgetting that my body and mind needs a break. I often put my family before me, which is a natural thing for mothers but in the same breathe, receive a lot of criticism for how I handle my family affairs. To be absolutely honest, social media has been extremely dangerous, and not a place where I want to be. The level of negativity found on social media is so ridiculous... but at the same time, social media is so rewarding, so inspirational and there are many beautiful people and things you could find on this platform.
Recently, with the amount of drama that has happened not even socially but with recent bad news from around the world, added to the drama within the industry, added to the negativity and criticisms that come directly to me and then added to my personal issues such as family drama, handling business deals daily as a CEO, going through a few health issues of my own, dealing with weight gain (even when trying to loose weight), added with a sprinkle of my hormones running crazy during ovulation and when on my period.. I just need to..
Last night, I deleted the twitter, Instagram and snap chat apps from my phone, and only planned to go on the app when I have things that are catchy, fun, perhaps business related to upload or of course, updates for followers. I access twitter via my laptop like once a day add a few tweets and have scheduled posts using hootsuite. I started listening to some motivational preaching and made sure I was in church today. I found myself just sobbing and trying to figure out a way to gather myself together and literally rebuke all distractions. I am a strong woman, and I do not plan on breaking, when important people like my husband and son needs me, this is not a time to be compelled by distractions from the real world and of course the fake world! Am I the only one? Or are you all not aware of at least these few weeks specifically... with the police vs blacks wars, mass shootings in Orlando and recently Munich, murders literally everywhere, to the massive youtube drama, celebrity mess its just almost addicting to get into the madness that is found on the internet yet, sometimes, we do not realise that it is huge drainage! I have noticed this for a while, but on Friday night, it just dawned on me that I need to STEP AWAY. Whilst we all enjoy hearing and feeding into gossip, and 'sipping tea', how often do we stop to realise it is taking huge essential fragments of our day and contributing to anxiety and even our own confidence. I feel paranoid, extremely anxious.. and something needs to be done about it. I am the type of person to be honest to myself and honest to others and I wear my heart on my sleeves, but I am pretty certain that almost all of us feel like this right now, and perhaps a lot of us don't notice or a lot of us just deal with it. This has been quite a year and I am not even referring to personal woes, but the world in general is changing and it is actually quite daunting.
My mental state is bombarded by a lot of the things I see in the real world, in the fake world and in my personal world. My motive right now is to put myself in balance whilst everything is and will continue to happen. You cannot stop the world from being the world, but you can definitely find a way to handle the plethora of changes through keeping content and positive.
My emotional state luckily is a lot more stable and of course it is effected by my mental state, but generally, I am not sad, just in a funk and perhaps very anxious, I am afraid my current feelings can lead to effect my emotions greatly, and someone with a history of depression, I do not plan to make my emotions be effected greatly!
Physically, I have gained weight, and this is hard for me, being someone who also is a body confidence advocate, you would possibly expect me to 'not care' but I do care, I care because I worked on this weight loss regardless of me preaching body positivity and 'love yourself', no one likes to fail over something they worked hard on. My health also has definitely had an effect on this as due to some personal health issues, it has restricted my weight loss plans and this has been so difficult to handle and come to terms with, I recently had a minor medical treatment and was told to 'stay out of the gym' until my body fully processes and within that time, the pounds pile on...
What do you do to keep positive in a world that is confronted by all of these woes? All of the false and pretentious aspects of the internet world? All of the constant drama? How do you handle personal issues that test your faith? Would like to hear from you x
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