Tuesday, 24 July 2018

MY UNPOPULAR BODY SHAPE




It's Tuesday. I feel quite accomplished as I have ticked a lot of things off of my to do list.
I had a great night sleep, as baby slept throughout the entire night, he is getting so much better with night sleeps. Over the past few weeks, I have been at a full go go GO, with EVERYTHING, and I am currently at a zone where I am revved up for creating content, producing videos, images and more for my faithful followers online.
I was awaken at 8.30am by a phone call, positive call, so yup, I wasn't too mad! But believe me sis, 8.30am is actually a lye in for me! Anyway, I have a normal ritual in the morning, consisting of some prayer and meditation, cleaning etc, but of course, at some point, you check your phone, you check your social media, you check your YouTube comments... I then stumbled across a comment that literally shook me to infinity.

The comment said 'Your ass shape is not normal for a black girl. You're still beautiful though, I like the clothes you have shown, you are putting on so much weight, try to lose some weight'



Now that I have your attention,
lets talk...
I am pretty used to weirdos on the internet having a fetish over my weight, I am quite over people commenting on something I deal with daily and my entire life quite frankly. I also have lost over 30kgs since giving birth and still on my slow journey of weight loss. THAT is not the part of the comment that got to me. The comment that made my head swing is 'Your ass shape is not normal for a black girl'.
I actually responded to the comment... oh yes, I did! I rinsed the person to be honest, then realised its not worth it and deleted and blocked them. I thought I want to discuss this on the blog today, and also represent with these images because it does reveal my shape quite a bit and I want to show you it in all my glory (as I am not ashamed).




Many of you may know I am African. West African. Ghanaian. That is my true original heritage and i am overtly proud to be Ghanaian. I am British Born and raised, and I have a connection with the multicultural diverse city of London where I grew up in. I am from a predominately black area in London originally, so I am connected to West Indians as well as other Africans. Whilst there are a lot of conversations online talking about beauty standards, and the huge colourism debate which is honestly a discussion I am happy we are bringing to light as I am majorly effected by this. I think in the black community (which I am heavily associated with 'obviously'), we do not talk enough about the standard of the 'Ideal Black Woman'. This post is not about colourism, so we would save that for another conversation, but, can we talk about the ideal 'shape' a black woman should possess that NOT ALL of us have? This isn't even a fat vs skinny issue. This is the: big booty, big breast, flat stomach ideal that all black girls are meant to have?
I personally believe that, The beauty of black women is our diversity. 
And its beautiful to naturally have a big curved bum. But unfortunately, mine is not! Its flat, squared and broad, and that is how it is.
We as a community grow up with this mentality that we should have this 'ideal' standard of black beauty that its now become a fashion. We have the likes of the Kardashians who have paraded and exploited it to the point where US black women are reshaping our bums to look like them, when they get it from us! Whilst this is a pressure in Western culture, honey, lets not forget, the pressure actually does come from back home also. In Ghana, where I am from, from when you are a baby girl, you are given waist beads and bum massages so the baby girl grows to have 'that shape'. My issue is, why are we even forcing this? Can one not just grow with the shape they were born to have?
By flat square bum is an inheritance from my Grandmother Yaa Mansah... down to my mother, her sister and also my older sister and of course me. We all have 'that bum', and guess what, its not conventionally a 'black girls' bum, and thats ok! Interestingly enough, amongst our family, we have open discussions on how and why our bum is not good enough, and I am not sure why we pressure ourselves to look a certain way!





I have another little story for you...
I have been bullied about this little square bum of mine in school. I remember this girl, she had it in for me. It was connected to a personal matter that was outside school involving her friend, but I wont go into that today. I  had stayed back from school with my best friend a little later than normal finishing time, and as we were walking to the exit, I was approached by this bully.. it wasn't the first time she had troubled me, so as she approached, I was worried. She literally said to me, look at her bum, she looks like her knickers are too tight for her. Her and her friends burst out laughing, she also physically touched me by pulling at my knickers. I said nothing, but just cried about it. I never told my family what had happened. On a second occasion, again, the girl saw me, and said 'ahhh those knickers again'. She had regularly taunted me which effected my self asteem and my confidence as you can imagine as a young 15 year old girl. Anyway, if you ever wondered what happened to the girl, I ended up beating her up at a local supermarket on a Saturday... that's a story for another day kids! Do you want to hear it? Comment and let me know.





This is just one of the many incidents where I have been bullied about my 'non-black girl' bum! But as I go through my self love journey, I have learnt to not hide it, but embrace it.
The black woman comes in many shapes. Thin, curvy, flat
Chested, some women are toned have no hips, but I believe God is creative and chose too make us in different ranges. It’s the beauty of his creation, and we need to embrace all of what we come in. 




Credits:
Photographer: @abiolarenee
Dress: @fashionnovacurve
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44 comments

  1. That was so well written Chanel. I love how organic you are. Society needs to appreciare the beauty in diversity. You my dear a shining so much because of your body. You authenticity makes you more beautiful. Thank you for the inspiration.

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  2. Thank you so much for this incredible read. I love your channel, your style and how open you are willing to be with topics that really should be discussed so everybody can feel they are not alone there is someone who can relate. Keep on shining your light!

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  3. You are GORGEOUS and I love your personality! Your confidence makes you a winner! Keep inspiring!

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  4. Is sooooo sad tha someone will find time to write such a stupid comment!!! PS I am a flat bum too and I believe that if God was to give big breasts and big bum men will get confused so I believe that the person that wrote the comment is very very sad sad person and needs help you are doing well keep doing what you do best lots of lovexx thanks for what u wrote very inspiring!

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  5. Love this post Chanel and yes! Gurl you better tell that story of the beat down! On a real - it's sad how women and girls within our community are being made to feel a way if their/our *shape/hair/skintone /voice/accent/dialect (*delete as appropriate) doesn't conform to some stereotypical notion of the black woman body.

    Love always, all ways x

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  6. Beautiful story and love your perception of black girl beauty. You are absolutely right about EVERYTHING. You should share that storytime about the supermarket incident!

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  7. Girl your whole being screams beauty. You inspire me to love me and guess what you should be proud of yourself for that.Moreover I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Continue doing you and let the haters hate!

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  8. We are all beautiful regardless of what size we are. It’s those negative and sad individuals that like to break others down for what reason I don’t know... Beauty is more than skin this is what we need to understand. Lovely blog and Chanel you are beautiful both inside and out xxx Bella Moore

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  9. Darling, you write so very well. That powder blue dress and the blue background -dreamy. You are beautiful inside and out. Keep writing. Keep taking pictures. Keep posting them. Keep practicing self-love. You are doing very well and we are all so very proud of you xoxo Grey

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  10. Thank you for this blog! I too have been through something similar. I was recently blessed to start a movement/mentorship entitled I Am Unmasked which promotes authenticity and I can not wait to share your blog with my group. I know it will be a blessing to many! Love you Sis!😘

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  11. You are beautiful and blessed Chanel! It’s all “skin pain” darling. Keep on with your good job. And yes...I’d like to hear about when you beat the hell out of that gal in the supermarket!!!

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  12. This post is so relatable as I also don’t have what society deems do be a “black persons bum” whatever that means. Thanks for sharing this post with us xo
    -splodgeofbeauty

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  13. Well said, tell us about how you beat that girl up please. Lol.

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  14. I read only facts in this post, very relatable and interesting. Yes please tell us the story of how you beat that bully up!

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  15. I love you, this couldn't have come at a better time. Well said!!!!❤❤

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  16. Channel you are gorgeous. I love you., and that is a well written piece

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  17. I n e e d to hear the story about that Saturday at the supermarket. Leave nothing out.

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  18. This is a Great read! It’s interesting because I would have what others perceive as a ‘black girls bum’ but as a fellow Ghanaian I can relate to theory behind the beads wearing concept. Our parent/family/friend don’t understand that these ‘traditions’ can subconsciously have an effect on how u feel about your body and how u see your self in clothes from behind �� which even sounds crazy as I write it! ....I’m secretly curious about how you finished that dumb bully LOL!! Keep doing you, your Gorgeous!!

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  19. ‘God is a creative and chose to make us in different ranges’.Such a beautiful blog post����

    Sending love baby girl

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  20. Chanel the love I have for you is unreal. I completely 100 percent understand because your shape is exctaly like mine. I also got a square bum that I got from my mom. It has always played on my mind why I couldn't have a bum thats nice and round like other girls(the typical black woman form). But thank you so much for putting a light unto this situation. I'm truly not alone. This is one of the main reasons I could never wear bodycon dresses because I felt like my bum just looked awkward in them,but I see the way you rock em and sis you are truly doing bits. In a way you are truly helping me to be more confident and just embracing my form the way it is. Thank you for this post,you truly spoke to me.

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  21. That was a great read Chanel. I have a had back and the physio basically said it's because my batty cocks out too much (not in those words) but my bum is still flat and broad. All we can do is embrace it. You better believe I'll be wining up my flat broad batty at Notting hill carnival xx

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  22. Oh Chanel .... First, Can I just say that your eye brows are goals!!

    That said, I am a member of the square bum squad!! From as far back as I can remember, I have hated the appearance of my bum and I was the kid or teen with long tees and sweaters just to cover up. I was not picked on about it, but I have never had the confidence to wear anything fitting. I look at you Chanel and I see someone bursting through their insecurities and living life to the fullest. I dont know you from Adam, but I am proud of you and hopefully one day I too can wear my square butt with confidence!!

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  23. How silly is it that people, in 2018 (!!!!), still don't understand that there is not a single way to look?? Everybody is different and that is what makes EVERYONE so beautiful! You have your grandma and mother's bum and you should be god damn proud of that! As long as you are happy and healthy, what is there to judge? Trends are a load of rubbish, in a decade a flat square bums might be the new ideal. All we can do is encourage other people to open their eyes and see beauty for what it really is <3

    eloisea
    https://www.eloi-sea.co.uk/blog
    x

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  24. Don’t bother with them abi you are fucking gorgeous to hell with them.

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  25. I love this blog post! Well said.. It's awakening and inspiring.. I have the same shape and experienced being on the end of jokes, but I learned to love me. Thanks for sharing! ❤️

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  26. I love and appreciate this post very much. You are being a voice for those people who are afraid to speak up for themselves! You are a beautiful woman that God created ,continue to let Him use you to spread positivity.

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  27. Great article and thank you for sharing. Your husband loves it and you are doing your thing....opinions are like elbows everybody got one and that person's doesn't matter! Keep doing you! I love and am inspired by your attitude.

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  28. this was beautiful to read!! and if guyanese and didn’t even realizing getting your butt masssged as a kid was problematic because my mom did it to me. following you and other women on youtube like grace victory has changed my life for the better and i’m so glad women like you are around and using your platform because me or mom definitely didn’t have women like you who spoke honest truth about their bodies online. continue to do what you do, handle situations with grace ✨

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  29. Girl... This topic is so relevant and true. First of Mrs.Ambrose you are truly BEAUTIFUL! In every way. Second, I live with this everyday. But my older sister have a nice shape, and I taller with the big-ish boobs. As a black women I think something is "Wrong" with me because I don't have that. But now that I am older and wiser I love every inch of my body. Thank you for discussing this topic. I appreciate it!

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  30. This story of yours said it all about myself, just that I wasn't bullied.... My low self esteem issues started from my house (my mum) she will always remind me then that am her only female child that doesn't have shape or bum... But Look at me today,i am married to a man who loves every part of my body and am very confident with everything I wear now.... Thanks for sharing your story
    NB: To all the mothers please stop telling your kids negative things about how they look, let us all love them and always remind them that they are beautiful the way they are.... Thank you once again Chanel Ambrose for this������

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  31. So glad you wrote this post- it’s overly needed. I too have an unpopular Black woman body shape- big breasts, big back, square relatively flat butt. I’ve struggled with whether I looked “feminine enough” all my life, and I am now actively reclaiming that time. So thank you. Now, tell the story about the supermarket and bully; leave out no details please!!

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  32. Chanel, you're revolutionary and it's sad to say but it's true. The fact that you decide to celebrate yourself as is is sooooo uncommon these days. People change everything they don't like then decide to celebrate themselves these days. I refuse to do it. I also have a flat butt, saggy breasts, lots of discoloration and rolls....but guess what? Still beautiful, because I am and I decide to be. You've had a hand in teaching me that lesson. I'm always going to be proud of you from the way you raise Emmanuel and the baby to you living a loving and healthy life with Ambrose, because we always see big girls with the end of the stick taking what we can get. NOOOOOOO! I'm bomb and big as hell! Love you ❤️

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  33. I love you Chanel. You are an inspiration for so many black girls out there, that are going through the same issues. Stay true to who you are and don't let anyone steal your crown. Keep shining bright like a diamond.

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  34. You are an inspiration for me.Keep shining your post.
    Awesome styles... I love one.
    td bank hours, regions bank hours

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  35. Keep ur head up bbe , I’m
    Black I have pancake bum flat flat and big tits but that’s life we all come in different shape and sizes . I love ur confidence really has helped me to become more confident aswell . Your beautiful inside and out and that’s all that matters. X

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  36. I also have been thinking about this for the longest time!! There is such a push as to what is 'black features' and what is 'white features' that when a black person (mostly likely a woman) doesn't posses all the 'black features' they get shamed for it. I realized probably in 9th grade that not all black women are gonna have big butts, big boobs, and big lips. I, myself, have been clocked by another black person and told I have white lips. Which isn't true for several reasons but mostly because they're my lips... and I'm black.

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  37. Je vous ai connu sur youtube Ă  travers vos vidĂ©os beautĂ© et j'ai adorĂ© votre travail. Quelques mois aprĂšs je suis tombĂ©e sur votre instagram et je me suis abonnĂ©e Ă  votre page. Pour ĂȘtre honnĂȘte, je ne m'attardais jamais sur vos posts, mais j'aimais vous voir. Vous ĂȘtes toujours pleine de vie et souriante. Mais au fil des jours, j'ai compris Ă  travers vous et travers vos posts que la vie est belle et que le regard des gens ne dois pas influencer qui nous sommes et dicter notre conduite. J'adore le fait que vous assumiez vos rondeurs, j'adore le self-confidence que vous dĂ©gagez; toute l'Ă©nergie qui Ă©mane de vous j'adore. Nous les femmes nous avons tendance Ă  nous crĂ©er un idĂ©al de beautĂ©. Mais notre beautĂ© c'est nous qui la dĂ©finissons. Nous avons chacune une maniĂšre diffĂ©rente de voir le monde. Pourquoi ça ne serait pas les cas pour la beautĂ©, et nos formes. Vous m'inspirez et je voudrai vous dire un gros MERCI. Vous me faĂźtes comprendre chaque jour que je peux faire ce que je veux et ĂȘtre qui je suis, parce que des critiques y'en aura toujours. Mais l'important c'est de garder le regard fixĂ© vers ses rĂȘves.

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    Replies
    1. Je voudrai créer un blog lifestyle et je serai honoré et hyper super méga contente que vous me donniez quelques conseils pour faire le grand saut.

      Delete
  38. You are so beautiful�� I love your confidence��

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  39. You are lit from within! Truly stunning, and not just in looks - your open discussion and willingness to talk about aspects of your life is refreshing. I have to admit, I was a bit distracted by that dress!!! ❤

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